Take A Break

I've been considering taking a break from social media.  I just don't have it in me to be a part of relationships.  I've practically become a hermit in my "real" life and I'm finding the effort to just have conversations exhausting.

I have to be "on" at work and by the time I get home, I don't even want to speak.  I know my poor kids don't understand it.  I'm usually very gregarious and lively and I know they see the difference.  I don't even have the desire to visit with my in-laws and I'm usually the one who always makes it a point to go over there with the family.  They are the only family my kids have here and I am adamant that they need a strong relationship with them.  The thought of going over there and having to have conversation is too much.

I am depressed.  I am actually amazed I'm just now really getting into the depths of depression.  When I think about my life honestly, I can't believe I've managed to remain functioning and sunny as long as I have.  Now I just don't care.  I have no more energy to give.  I just don't care.

I love my friends on social media.  I am usually lively and witty and love the connection I have on there with so many friends and family.  Lately, I find myself just scrolling down the page and hitting a like once in a while but rarely commenting on things.  This is not me.  I have something to say about everything. 

I'm not me.  I don't know who I am or who I will come out on the other end of this but I do not like where I am.