So Over It

Well, yesterday was an interesting day.  For once, I had some drama not involving myself and my own little world.  This was from a very unexpected source.

I shared a facebook status about a local girl who had anorexia and used the tanning booth alot and tragically had passed away.  She was the story behind the post but the POINT of the post was that as a society we are always seeking that "ideal."  We want to be thinner, prettier, younger and for what?  This girl did things to be more beautiful and it killed her.  It was sad and tragic.  I didn't know the girl (I made that clear in my status), I didn't mention her name and only one person in my friends knew her personally.

Well, sure enough that ONE person piped up.  She said I didn't know her and how dare I judge her, blah, blah, blah.  I responded on facebook and then sent a text.  I told her to reread the post because I thought she was missing the point.  She said she did 20 times and then she just got plain nasty.  She said I am so judgemental and all I do is talk about people and she's been putting up with it for years and can't take it any more.

Ironically, THIS person is the one who told me about the dead girl's problems.  THIS person also shared much more personal things about the deceased but I didn't share them on facebook because the point of the status was not about the girl but about perception and image and wasted time.  If this person knows something, so does the world.  Years ago, we were in a wedding together.  All she did was complain about the dresses.  She then flipped out on the bride and said, "even Kiraly thinks the dresses are ugly."  I NEVER said anything of the kind.  I called the bride and told her I didn't care if I wore a sack, I had my day in my gown, it was NOT about me at all.  I don't know if because I never flat out disagreed with her she thought I was saying the same thing or what.  If she were really paying attention she would KNOW I never said one word.

I admit, most of the time I was with her, we did just talk about everyone and everything.  It was the only thing we had in common, people we knew.  I would just fish for information and she would gladly oblige and tell everyone's life story.  It was boredom on my part.  Rather than sit in silence, I figured out early on, the way to fill it was to get her talking about anyone and the time would fly by.  It was never malicious gossip, just stories.  SHE however, would say things like, "I hate so and so, she thinks she's so much better than everyone, etc."  She would attack peoples' characters.  She has had fights with every member of my husband's family.  She was in a feud for years with one sister but then had a huge fight with her other sister and is now talking to sister #1.  She accused sister #2's husband of being gay and on drugs, etc.  See what I mean?  Character assasination.

She then told me that maybe I was unhappy with my life and that's why I talked about everyone else.  Well, as true as that is, not really.  With my other friends, we talk about nutrition, health, clothes, food, kids and on and on and on.  It is with this particular person the talk revolved around people.  I'm not proud of it.  It is small and beneath me and I was always exhausted when I left her because it was so negative.  The problem was I couldn't avoid her.  She then told me that was why I don't see any of my old friends, because of "my mouth."

First of all, I'm not sure how she knows who I'm seeing and when.  I see this person on average 10 times a year at family gatherings.  Sometimes I will see her in between and now that the boys are on the same baseball team I see her there.  I don't talk to her really though.  I found it really interesting that she knows me so well yet knows nothing about what I do on a daily basis.  She also told me I treat my husband terribly and she doesn't know how he lives like that.  She is literally crazy and I'm not sure how her fiance lives like that but never felt it was my place to speculate about it.  He loves her and it's his business what goes on in his love life.  She also told me I need meds.  Again, not sure how she knows my mental state so well.

I informed her that I hate my husband and was probably getting a divorce.  I informed her that my friends (my REAL friends) know how stressful my marriage is and understand that I've had to take a break from my social life because it's too difficult to put on the happy face.  I assured her that they are very much in touch with me and are always checking in and that we do keep in touch in ways I am able to handle at this time.  I see my one friend, my neighbor, almost every day so I'm still not sure where she is getting her information.  In fact, I went to my friend's house when she got home from work and let her read all of the texts and we had a good laugh.  There is nothing like a true friend to put things into perspective.

Then she told me that I should be at my son's baseball games instead of on facebook.  I told her I did see him run around the bases once and play one inning (that was the total playing time he got in Myrtle).  She said, "who cares, you should support him, he scored our first run yesterday."  Yes, I was sorry I missed that but I'm sure there will be more.  It's interesting to me that she missed a few games when her son was on the bench but now that he's back on the field she's the great cheerleader.

The last time we were together she was talking about her sisters' kids and how they never had sit down meals and never ate breakfast, lunch and dinner, etc.  I was thinking, she NEVER makes meals.  Out of her own mouth she will say that.  Her son wouldn't eat lunch when he was younger until 2 p.m. when he would show up at his grandmother's starving.  Her boyfriend works a full day and has to come home and make dinner every night.  Did I contradict her?  Did I go home and talk about this with my husband?  Nope.  I thought it but again, her life, her business.  She had such a huge fight with her own daughter the cops were called and her daughter moved down south.  Did I accuse her of horrible mothering?  Did I judge her?  I don't know her situation.  I do know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

The fact that she has been going home for years and talking about all of my short comings proves one thing.  SHE cannot stop talking about people.  Does she not see this?  SHE made my post about the deceased rather than about the bigger concept.  SHE talks about me to everyone.  SHE talks about anyone you ask about.  SHE is unhappy.

I told her I was glad we had this little conversation.  I was tired of sitting on the fence.  I'm so glad my husband and kids have someone to watch out for them when I'm gone.  She can take right over.  Since she hasn't even been able to procure the title of wife in 18 years, I'm sure she'll do a bang up job.  I have put up with her and her ghetto-fabulous self for years with patience to keep peace in this family and for what?  For her to flip?  She then said she was stressed and angry because she lost her friend.  I told her I was sorry she chose to direct that anger on me.  I do not forgive these days.  I do not forget these days.  I am all done being walked all over in the name of kindness and having people accuse me of being a witch anyway.  Maybe it's time they see just how nasty I can be.