Vacation...Whoop De Doo

We are going to Myrtle for my son's baseball tournaments next week.  Since he is now relegated to third string on the team because of our school board's lack of financial aptitude, this should be fun.

I am not a fan of Myrtle Beach.  We went once years ago because everyone here raves about it.  I found it overcrowded, commercialized and a bit 'cheesy.'  It is not my idea of vacation.  I also didn't like the fact that no matter where I looked I saw someone from my town.  On the beach, at the hotel, out to dinner, they were everywhere.  What's the point of going away if everyone comes with you?

I could get on board with just going down there and sitting on the beach the whole time.  Let's face it, a beach is fabulous no matter where it is.  When we went the first time, the kids were younger and we felt compelled to partake in all of the gimmicky activities.  I did enjoy the aquarium but the rest was just not me.  Since my son will be with his team, I am sure my daughter would be delighted just to hang on the beach and do a little shopping.  I think I would enjoy that.

I know my husband.  He will be a nightmare about ALL of us having to be at EVERY game.  I don't agree.  If my child's not playing, I am completely uninterested.  I could care less about how his team does.  I am not a good parent for an athletic child.  I hate competitive sports.  I am a nervous wreck at them.  I always feel an absurd amount of sympathy for the losing team.  God help me if a kid messes up and loses the game for his team.  My heart literally cracks in half.  I want to cry because I am so sad for him.  There is so much pressure.  I'm just not cut out for it.  I get absolutely zero enjoyment sitting in the hot sun, in a barren ballfield, cooking while a bunch of kids battle it out.

If my husband would just leave my daughter and I alone, I would be fine with going.  I know I will not be so lucky.  Already he is telling me what we will eat.  We will NOT be going out to dinner every night.  We will NOT be buying alot of food to keep in the room because we will probably not eat it, etc.  What kind of vacation is this?  He informs me, it is NOT vacation.  We are going to support our son and that is all.  Wow, he's really making something I'm already dreading soooo much more appealing.

I'm meeting an old friend from college down there.  He is furious about that too.  When I asked him why he was so angry about it, he said because I was going to be "wanting money to go out or party."  Yes, I am such a "go out girl."  When I asked him why we paid off our credit cards and freed up almost $2,000 a month and our situation has gotten worse, I got the same answer.  We have to use cash for everything now.  OK?  Again, why don't we have it?  If we aren't paying all of those bills every month don't we have that cash to use to live on?

Round and round we go.  He never answers me.  He told me that when we get home from Myrtle he is going to sit down and show me our finances.  Well, since he is behind about 3 months on that plan already, I will be surprised if it happens.  Then he told me I can get a job and start contributing to the expenses of the house.  I had a job.  I loved my job and had to quit it because he couldn't take care of two teenagers who were self-sufficient.  That's irony.

I told him, it's already on the list.  I planned on getting a job when we got back.  I then told him he will not be getting one red cent of my money.  My last paycheck all went into a checking account that I never withdrew one dime from.  He used it for whatever he wanted.  I informed him, my money this time will be for me and my kids.  I will be opening my own account and he will not have access to it.  Ever.

He also blamed me for our financial mess.  I told him that several times I came up with plans to get us out of debt.  Once we got the lump sum of money he screwed up the plan by putting it in the bank and using it to pay off bills month by month until it was gone instead of paying them off in one shot like I said to do.  He told me I was "not very insistent."  Really?  So because I told him what to do and then didn't become a maniac about it, he didn't need to do it?  I then informed him that the old Kiraly didn't like to argue or make him unhappy.  The old Kiraly wanted to be calm and reasonable and talk it out and try to coerce him to do what was the right thing without being a witch about it.  How sad is it that if I had been the harping shrew I now am back then, this would have all been resolved?

Yes, now I don't back down.  I am a barking dog until he does what I want.  Ironically, our situation is finally clearing up.  He is doing what I say to do because I don't stop until he does.  The problem?  I hate myself.  This is NOT me.  I believe adults should be able to communicate, respect eachother and work things out, as a team.  Being his mean mommy is not working for me.  Maybe that's the only thing he understands but I can't stay in this role anymore.