See Ya In Court

I have to go to court today.  Does this life get any more nightmarish?  The worst part?  It's for a traffic violation.

This could easily be handled by mail.  NOOOO!  That would have been too simple and less mortifying.  Of course, a friend, who is a police officer, told my husband that the ticket would be less and I'd get no points on my license if I went to court.  It was non-negotiable, I had to go.

Basically, to save a few bucks, I have to actually go sit in a court room, plead not guilty and possibly perjure myself.  I'm having a problem with this.  I'm not guilty but I am guilty.  In order to get the ticket lowered, I have to plead not guilty and this is a moral issue for me.

The ticket is for following too closely.  That was not the case.  There was plenty of room in between cars.  If there was a ticket for hitting the gas pedal when thinking you are slamming on the brakes, that should have been the one issued.  See what I mean?  It's nit-picking but is that perjury?  If you hit the car in front of you, is that technically "following too close?"  If so, ticket well-deserved.

I just wanted to plead guilty, send in the ticket and pay the fine.  That way, my moral quandry is a non-issue.  I'm not worried about points on my license.  I've never so much as been pulled over for ANY reason, let alone had a ticket before.  This was a fluke.  It was an extraordinary circumstance and one I will not find myself in again so I'm not worried about future points.  My husband did not want to pay a bigger fine so I'm now under a ridiculous amount of stress.

I actually had a great birthday yesterday.  We had to go to Ithaca for a parade my daughter was dancing in.  It was a GREAT parade.  I just love Ithaca.  The people are so ecclectic.  There is something for everyone there and the turn out was amazing.  It really was so fun.  Then we went to dinner at a restaurant right on the lake that we had never been to.  It was just beautiful.  The food was amazing, the view was spectacular and it was just a peaceful, great night.

Then we were driving home and I was thinking about what the day ahead had in store.  That's when I remembered court.  It ruined my mood.  It just null and voided my whole great night.  I was so angry.  I told my husband that I hoped the few dollars he was saving was worth it.  I explained how the anxiety of this ruined what was the perfect night.  Then he tried to make a phone call and told me we would just mail it in.

No way.  He does not get to 're-do' anymore.  He needs to make the right decisions the first time around.  This is just another nail in his coffin.  In a way, it's a good thing I have to go.  I was softening.  Lately, we've been getting along and actually having some fun together.  My birthday was so special and I could tell he really listened to me.  I always complain that I'm bored.  We never do anything different or go anywhere new.  My life is monotonous and that is the death knell for me.  He really put in alot of effort to make the whole night exciting and I really appreciated it.

I was starting to think, "If we could just do things like this more often, maybe things could work...if he could be this fun, happy guy more, we can stay married."  This was a slap in the face reminder that underneath the facade, the miserable, cheap guy is there.  He does NOT care about me and my feelings.  He wants what he wants.  He claims that he loves me so much and would do anything to protect me but he threw me under the bus and couldn't care less about how stressed out I am about this.  That is my husband.  That is my truth.