I cannot stop wondering how I am the mother of such great kids. Lately, I have just been really grateful for my relationships with both of my children. Each is unique, yet so fulfilling in it's own right.
My son is my quiet serious man. He is obedient to a fault. He is shy and nervous in new situations. He does what is asked of him without a lot of drama. He never puts himself out there. My neighbor recently told me that he is "very humble." That sums him up. Interestingly, he reminds me of myself when I was young. I was such a nervous kid. It really didn't show on the outside but new situations, people and events completely freaked me out. I rolled with it and just did what I had to do but inside I was a mess.
I tried not to break the rules. When I was with kids who did things we shouldn't be doing, I was a wreck. I did not stand up to peer pressure well and I did things I shouldn't have but I was a maniac on the inside. My son is much stronger in this respect. He is very comfortable with himself and does not succumb to pressure. He usually stands his ground. Ironically, friends who have kids in school with him have told me that the kids at school respect him more for that. He hangs out with kids that party alot and drink and smoke pot. These are his very good friends but he doesn't do those things. His classmates think that is a good thing as opposed to making fun of him for it. That type of thing can go either way.
He and I have a very serious, mature relationship. Wherever I am, he will kind of "linger." If I'm reading on the front porch, next thing I know he will be sitting in the chair next to me. It's mostly quiet and then we will talk a bit. He really respects my opinions. He tries to pretend he is very independent but based on the conversations we have, he still needs us. We have conversations that I would have with other adults. We talk about literature, nutrition, working out, school, all kinds of things. I have rarely lost my temper with him in almost 18 years. He's just so chill that he doesn't provoke that level of emotion.
He is lazy though. He is rarely challenged in life. Everything comes pretty easily to him so he just doesn't grasp the concept of having to work for things. This is really the only thing that he and I get heated about. There is such a thing as too laid back. When I was young, I was very calm and relaxed but I had a job at 16. I worked for my money. My son is lucky to have very generous relatives and therefore, stockpiles his birthday and Christmas money and lives off of that. He makes CD's for friends and charges a small amount for those as well. I really think he will be an entrepeneur. I don't see him making money the conventional way as an adult.
My daughter is me as an adult. Once I got to college, I completely changed. I had to be independent. I had to be more brave. That is really where I found what little confidence I possess now. I still have a long way to go in that department but I'm so much better than I was. My daughter is fearless. She does have nerves underneath the exterior but she is much, much better at battling through them than her brother and myself.
She is so funny. She makes me laugh every day. When we go out and have a day alone, it is non-stop laughing and fun. I never dreamed I'd be this close to my 16 year old daughter. I had hoped that as an adult, we would be very close. I was not delusional though. I anticipated the usual teenage girl drama and angst. I've gotten none of that. Freshman year was as close as we came. That was a bumpy year as she established herself in high school. I have to say though, we talked about everything and she was so receptive to guidance.
I thought most teen kids thought they knew more than their parents and if the mom tried to help, they would just ignore her. I never had that happen. When we processed things that had gone on at school that upset her, she really listened. She went into school with a plan in place and worked through situations in a mature, calm way. Trust me, there was angst, but I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she got over it.
Our relationship is a bit more explosive. We will get louder and go back and forth more often. However, it's then over. Whomever was at fault ALWAYS is the first to apologize. We always talk about what happened, how it got out of control and we promise to try harder next time. We don't always succeed but we always talk. She and I admit to being tired or crabby and just needing an outlet for that. We both know that our arguments have no heat. Sometimes as women, we just need that release.
We were going back and forth on recital day about something in the dressing room and another mom said, "at least you two aren't fighting, we would be in a huge fight by now" (meaning her and her daughter). My daughter said, "we never fight." I thought about that and we really don't. Like I said, it's this back and forth snapping but we've never really fought about anything. We are so similar in personality that neither of us has that need to be right or 'win.'
My kids have been helping me so much around the house lately. My husband's been working a ton and things need to get done so I've been doing them. My son carried over 15 patio blocks across my entire yard when he saw me struggle with two. I never asked him. He just went outside when I came in for a break and told me they were done. He came into the garage while I was cleaning it out and just started carrying stuff into the driveway. This is what I mean about his quiet presence in my life. All of a sudden he is just beside me. Nothing is said, he just acts.
My daughter has been helping out inside and with weeding, cooking and laundry. Again, it's nothing I ask. I'm pulling weeds out of the path in the backyard and then she is just beside me throwing them into the bag. I'll come in from outside work and she's chopping vegetables and tells me that she thought I might be tired from working so hard and she thought she would get a start on dinner.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I could feel the love that I feel for these two children. In almost 18 years, I have never been disappointed by either of my children. They have only made me more proud. Their accomplishments are so many, I couldn't even begin to list them. I have had so many friends, teachers, coaches, etc. compliment their character. That to me, means more than any academic, athletic or any other accomplishment. Their hearts make me the most proud.
Yes, I am blessed.
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