I've put thought into action. For well over two years I have toyed with the idea of blogging. Why? My mind swirls endlessly with thoughts so prolific and restless they need an outlet. I am the gal who solves the problems. I never have them. I am the eternal optimist who has the right answer, the sympathetic ear, the right words to say in times of crisis. My world revolves sunshine yellow at all times and I can handle anything. I really am that girl. I wake up vibrating with energy and excitement almost every day. I feel like every day is going to be great. I never lose that sense of hope and I never let life completely take me down.
You know what though? Life is so hard. Marriage is so hard. Motherhood is so hard. Being a true and faithful friend and finding them is so hard. When I was young and idealistic I foolishly assumed I was going to sail through life on that white fluffy cloud of positivity and I am so disappointed in myself when I start to give up, when I start to let the negativity pull me under the dark blanket where it would be so nice to curl up and give in. I have internal dialogues with myself daily. Fighting to remember how blessed I am, how many things are wonderful in my life. I feel incredible guilt when I let myself (even though it is only TO myself) express any tinge of dissatisfaction with my circumstances.
This is going to be the place where I get honest. The most secret sacred place which is only accessible to a few billion (give or take) people via the web where I will begin to process this thing I call life. I believe it will be cathartic, for me. I believe it will be enlightening, perhaps even entertaining (I am not always Debbie Downer, I might even have a smidge of humor lurking in me) and hopefully helpful to those who find themselves having these same thoughts and struggling with these same mid-life issues. If it's anything like my head, it won't be boring!
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