I still have the flu. Granted, I am better than yesterday and yesterday I was better than Saturday but it lingers on. Yesterday I spent the entire day in bed, dozing and tv surfing. I literally only surfaced when my daughter was at dance to make myself some Theraflu and a cup of soup.
This morning was business as usual. I got the kids up and around for school and looked around the house. Nothing was done. My husband had off yesterday, unexpectedly, and when he got home Saturday and found me sleeping on the bathroom floor he was happy at the prospect. He told me it was a good thing he would be home so he could take care of me.
I woke up yesterday morning around 7 a.m. I made myself some Theraflu and downed that. Next order of business was a shower. I was so sick on Saturday I couldn't even manage to grab a five minute one and I hate being sick and unshowered. It always makes me feel more ill. I was so exhausted after those two things I was right back into bed.
I think around 11 a.m. my husband called upstairs and asked me if I wanted some Theraflu. I told him I'd already had some. Around 3 p.m. he came into the bedroom and set his alarm for the morning and didn't say one word. Around 5 p.m. he came into the room and asked if I wanted him to make me anything to eat. I declined and he left. Granted, we had a major fight the night before before I went upstairs. It was ugly and I don't blame him for tip toeing around me. However, how do these things get resolved? Do we forget it happened? Do I just start talking normally and we just carry on? Another major problem left unresolved to surface at a later date. More resentment left to fester and grow.
This is us. This is our pattern. I always try to resolve every issue we have. I calmly say we need to talk about what happened. I start to talk about the problem and he sits silently. When I ask him how he feels or what he thinks, I get nothing. He claims it is because I will "yell" at him. I assure you, yelling never takes place at these conversations. Disagreeing, yes. Yelling, no. He says that no matter what he says it will be "wrong." My husband has a terrible habit of adopting my opinions as his own.
Since we have been together he has increasingly done this. He will say things that I think are off the wall and when I question him, he says he's just saying what I would. What? Usually he's way off base and why wouldn't he just say what he thinks. I never change my opinion to please him. He has told me so many times that I "saved him." He thinks he would have ended up a loser with nothing if he hadn't met me. I disagree. I think he had so many gifts and he just needed someone to tap into them and let him realize his worth. We were so young when we met. Of course he didn't have anyone do that before me. He hadn't had a serious girlfriend before me.
It amazes me that for all of his wanting to think like me and be like me that yesterday he spent out of the house (I have no idea where he was, he never even told me he was leaving) and watching tv. He knows I am a germ freak when anyone is sick. My house gets disinfected top to bottom when anyone has a sniffle. Granted, he couldn't do much in my room as I was in the bed but there was a whole house he could have dealt with.
This morning I brought up the clean laundry that was still downstairs from Friday and emptied the hamper that was literally overflowing and got that laundry started. I stripped all of the beds and Lysoled all of the rooms. The sheets are in the wash as we speak. I will probably get to cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming the furniture and Lysoling all of that but I'm afraid that is as far as I will get. I feel my energy ebbing even now. I am so dizzy that I am literally doing all of this like a drunken sailor. I'm taking the basement steps at a snail's pace as I'm terrified I'm going to just fly down them. I literally feel myself sort of floating as I go up and down. The nausea is also returning with a vengeance.
Is this love? He's lived with me for over 20 years and he knew this would be weighing on me. If he really loved me, wouldn't he have done some of this yesterday? Wouldn't he at least have brought the laundry up and down the stairs so I would be spared that? Wouldn't he have swallowed his pride and tried to take care of me? Granted, I am more stubborn now than I have ever been but I always give in. He only has to give and inch and I'm always willing to run the rest of the mile. After 22 years together would I even need to ask these questions if he still loved me?
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