A Little Help From Above

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day.  The temperatures were mild and the birds were chirping.  It really felt like spring .  Whenever the weather is like that I find myself thinking of my husband's brother.  I had a whole conversation with him yesterday while running on the elliptical.  Turns out my husband was visiting him at the exact same time.  He decided to stop by the cemetary on the way home.

He told me he felt that our luck had really been changing lately and he has been feeling his brother's presence very strongly.  I have felt the same.  It's nothing I can explain.  He is just "there."  I am doing something totally unrelated and he is in my mind.  It feels like he is in the room with me and I talk directly to him in my head.  My husband has been experiencing the same thing and wanted to stop by and let him know that we have felt him and we appreciate his guidance.

It's been 11 years since he has passed away.  I don't think there are times that we DON'T think of him.  It's always a void.  Especially because he was so great.  He was the life of the party.  He was kind and humorous.  There was nothing he wouldn't do for a friend or family member.  Next to my husband, I loved him as much as I have ever loved any man, of course in a platonic sense.  He felt like a brother to me.  He loved my kids as if they were his own.  When my daughter was little he was the only one besides my husband and myself who could comfort her.  He was very protective of her being the only girl in a group of male cousins.

My husband's nephew may be moving in down the street with his mom.  One day, years ago, his nephew asked why his mom never came to family functions.  I knew that day would come.  When his dad passed away, they were not together.  There were alot of trust issues and she really was actually cruel in the confused state he was in at the end.  We all knew she was with another man but she would have his brother over for dinner and tell him she wanted to be a family, etc.  Every time he tried to move on, she would come back around.  She knew she didn't want him but she didn't want to lose the security of him.  My husband knew this and hated her for it.  My brother in law also knew but was ok with it.  He was so sick he just didn't have the energy to put up a fight about it.  When someone passes away there is alot of anger.  My husband decided to direct it all at her.  Was it fair?  No.  He died from cancer, not her.  We all deal with grief differently and I let it be.

After his nephew asked however, I knew things had to change.  The past was over and you can't hold a grudge forever.  Holding on to anger just makes you an angry person.  He had to find a way to let it go.  I tried everything.  Finally one day I said to him, "You know if your brother was alive our boys would be like brothers.  They would be as close as you and your brother were."  That was it.  It clicked and we had a good relationship for a number of years.  Sure enough our boys did get very close.

Then there was another falling out, over money of course.  I was elected spokesperson on an issue and we ended up disagreeing.  Honestly, I could care less.  However, I made promises to my brother-in-law before he passed.  He made me promise never to let this woman near his son's money or to know how much he had if something happened.  He felt the day his son got it that she would go through it.  This was to be all his son had left of him.  He wanted it to be HIS and his alone, to do with what he wanted.  I promised him.  When she got angry and defensive there was nothing I could say other than what he had said all those years ago.  I would not break my word.

She decided to be angry.  That's fine.  I didn't have a problem with her.  We had a disagreement.  I don't always agree with everyone on every issue but I certainly don't hold a grudge over it.  She decided to and I'm ok with that.  However, our children have suffered.  The kids don't see eachother like they used to and their relationship isn't nearly as close.  I told my kids I was sorry for it but I felt I'd extended the olive branch and that I can't control everything.  They have grown to accept that.

Now he is moving to a house I can see from my front door.  I told my husband I thought that was his brother working things out.  The falling out was,after all, over his wishes.  My son is so excited.  He's told me he is going to take his cousin to and from school every day and they can play catch after school and go to the basketball court to play with their other friends.  He also said on Wednesdays he can come with us to their grandparents' to eat dinner.  He's so thrilled to have him nearby and he's not even in the house yet.

In this world we can only control so much.  We can try our best to be good people and kind.  We cannot, unfortunately, control everyone around us.  We can have the best of intentions and be met with stubborness and hostility.  There isn't alot we can do about that.  At those times, I think it's a good idea to ask for a little help from above.  Just look, it's working pretty well for us.