Halfway There

Every morning I start my day with three Sun Salutations (yoga).  It's a great way to stretch out after sleeping all night and I just feel refreshed and ready to start the day.  I also give thanks for five things in my life and state one goal.  I find if I start my mind thinking positively before I get out of bed, I tend to follow suit.

Today's goal was to only do healthy things for my body.  I will only put nutritious food into it and I will give myself a good work out.  Yesterday, I only got in a walk.  I have a pinched nerve in my neck from an old injury and I think playing with the weight set in the garage on Sunday aggravated it.  Once I feel that familiar twinge, I have to play it safe or else it becomes debilitating.  I intended to get on the elliptical but one thing led to another and I blew it off.  So today, my health is my priority.

It occurred to me as I was stating this intention, that I have always done everything in my life "halfway."  I do some yoga, I work out every day but not to kill myself, I am fairly organized, I keep a decent home, I cook well but every night is not gourmet, I am intelligent but not too knowledgable on one thing.  I do things passably well and I tend to have ALOT of interests.  I do not, however, excel at anything.  Is this weird?  Don't people usually do something really well?

I think I am just one of those people who is content in the mediocre zone.  My mind is restless and therefore needs to always be stimulated by something new or exciting.  I am most happy when I am learning something or going somewhere different.  That is why my life so often makes no sense to me.

I am trying to find contentment in a life where I live as a recluse.  My every day life is in complete opposition to what excites me.  I read what I can and am always checking out something on the internet but every day of my life is so predictable, I could actually script it in the morning and it would actually play out exactly as written.  Maybe this is why I don't bring any enthusiasm to the table.  What's the point?

I think I want to pick something and run with it.  Maybe it will be my fitness.  Maybe I will see what this old body is capable of.  If I really put some effort into it what could I get my body to do for me?  Maybe I'll pick some crazy yoga pose and that will be my goal.  Maybe I'll try to build some major muscle all over.  Maybe I'll set a goal for running. 

I don't have alot of follow-through.  I start projects with loads of enthusiasm and it quickly wanes as something new and shiny catches my eye.  I wonder, if I really put my mind to it and set a goal what I could do.  I don't think I've ever even tried.  I have always said Oprah is a liar.  My forties are NOT the best time of my life.  In fact, I have yet to find ONE positive thing about them.  Maybe I need to put forth some effort and I will finally understand what she was talking about.  Maybe that will be my goal.