Quiet Time

I'm spending some time inside my head.  I am getting quiet and reflective.  This could be a good thing because I feel myself getting creative.

I never realized that I have a creative side to me.  When I had my first child and decided to be a stay at home mom our lifestyle obviously had to change.  We never lived extravagently but we had to be VERY frugal at that point.  We didn't buy new furniture for a while and our kitchen was probably from the 60's or 70's.  It never bothered me.  I always had some project going on.

We had panelling in both the bathroom and the kitchen for years.  I cannot remember how many times I painted it.  I also painted the kitchen cabinets one day.  I just stared at them long enough and then I had a can of paint in my hands.  I still don't know how that happened.  Then I had another color and I was "distressing" them.  There was no plan or technique.  I just kept painting until they looked about right.  To go with my shabby chic look I found an old ladder we had hanging around and hung it from a beam on the ceiling.  I dismantled a grapevine wreath I had hanging somewhere and wound it through and then hung baskets and cookie cutters from it.  I have to admit it was adorable.

Yesterday I saw that old ladder on the fence in our back yard.  Once the kitchen was new, there was no more playing inside.  Everything is as it should be and I don't dare touch it.  When my dad passed away, a friend sent me a climbing rose bush to plant in his honor.  To say it has been a prolific grower is an understatement.  I like to think that is my dad letting me know he is very much a part of my life still. The ladder was trapped under the rose bush and barely visible.  I thought it was such a shame.  Originally I placed it there to train the rose to grow on it but the rose surpassed that plan in year two.

Next thing I knew I was attacking the rose bush.  It has been pruned and man-handled to start growing horizontally down my fence.  It was growing primarily straight up and heading into my neighbor's yard.  I was also able to disentangle the ladder, remove the brackets and take it down.  I know I am being over ambitious but my in-laws have blocks left over from a patio they removed.  I have some here and I plan to go get the rest of them one by one.  I am going to attempt to build a small fire pit area by our pool and hang the ladder on the fence there.  I'm going to hang mason jars with tealights in them in between each rung.

It feels good to have a project.  It feels good to not be thinking of anything other than how to cozy up the backyard.  I have a small yard and it's always been a challenge to make it work for us.  The last few years, I had lost that enthusiasm.  I had no vision.  I didn't care.  I know I am changing, really changing because I feel alive inside again.  I am putting myself and my wants first right now.  I'm through waiting for everyone to get on board and I am just moving forward.

I am a firm believer that through every negative in our lives we learn something.  We take away something.  If we are really paying attention, we realize the lesson is not the hardship but rather what challenges us as humans and forces us to grow.  Let's face it, if life were just easy, would we evolve?  Would we be sympathetic to others and their situations if we did not face our own demons?  I think not.  Perhaps it was my time to be shaken up a bit.  My world needed to be rocked to teach me something bigger than I know.  Time will tell all.  I just need the patience to wait it out.