I am content. After a weekend filled with fun, I am content. I think alot of my problem is boredom. I do the same things every day. Let's face it, how excited can you be to wake up and spend another day cleaning?
My son takes the second car to school while my husband takes the other to work every day. This basically means I am homebound. I really am okay with that. I've been working on our family leaving a smaller carbon footprint and this helps me resist temptation. With gas prices skyrocketing again, it is helpful to have both cars parked all day. If I really need one, the high school is only a couple of miles away so I can walk there and use that car.
However, this also means the most exciting thing I have to look forward to is working out and whether it will be linens day or floors day. I clean all day, every day. Somehow there is always cleaning to be done. There is always tons of laundry and if it slows down then I do the throw blankets around the house or shower curtains or some other thing that doesn't get washed as much as I'd like. With six pets I cannot vacuum or dust enough. When I miss one day, I get a little panicky inside. It just doesn't feel clean enough to me if I skip.
I was not like this before kids. When we were young and childless, Saturdays were our big cleaning day. My husband and I would work together and clean the whole house. That way it was ready for weekend entertaining. Once I had kids, the thought of them crawling around or sitting in dirt was beyond me. That's when the crazy cleaning started, when everything started going into their mouths.
This weekend we went to a huge St. Partrick's Day parade in Binhamton. There are 500 participants in the parade so it's a big one. It is also a university town. All of the VERY drunk college students attend. I have to admit, my husband and I usually spend more time watching them than the actual parade. They are so young and so fun. I love watching them, dressed completely inappropriately, yet festivly, trying to navigate the crowds while beyond messed up. I imagine them going to grab a little nap, and then starting all over again and making it until the wee hours of the night. Of course, some, trained for the marathon, will just keep it going and somehow make it all day. I envy them their youth.
They make me smile. I remember being so carefree. The biggest worry I had was who was going to get the beer because I looked 12 years old when I was in college. I think about how my own two children will be them in a couple of short years. I have encouraged them not to party in high school. College is time enough for it and I have no doubt they will make good use of their time there. That's part of the experience. I will hope they will use their heads but that's their time to get that all out. Once they enter the "real" world, the party is over and responsibility sets in very quickly. I want them to have fun as long as they can.
I enjoyed doing something different. I like variety. It refreshes me and makes me able to cope with the mundaneness that becomes my life again on Monday. Sometimes I think I should have lived in a city, where there are endless choices. I could do something different every night if I wanted. Then I have the other side of me that snuggles in and likes being tucked safely away in my home. I like the constancy of things. I guess the trick, for me, is going to be to find that balance. It's all a process and I am working it to find my peace. I will not compromise any longer on what I want my life to be.
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